Fancharries on Crack
by UltimateShadic
Summary: A disturbing crackfic using my fancharacters.


**Fancharries on Crack**

Devlin sat on a couch, drinking a soda and watching TV. Suddenly he heard someone say, "What the hell are you doing?" Dev turned to see Shadic, his rival, standing behind the couch. "…What do you mean?" Dev asked. Shadic glared. "I mean, why are you in MY house, drinking MY soda, watching MY TV…" He growled. Dev stared. "This is YOUR house? I guess that would explain the Muppet chained up in the basement…" "I thought we swore never to speak about that." Shadic said. "Anyways, why would you think this is YOUR house? You don't HAVE a house, remember? You live in an abandoned factory."

"Oh yeah." Dev said. "It burned down. Can I stay here?" Ten seconds later, Dev sat on Shadic's porch. "What the…How did I wind up here?" The confused Falcon walked off down the road, only to be run over by a 12 year old on his bike. The twelve year old was immediately arrested and sentenced to death.

Dev wound up in an alley eventually. He sat down in a box. "HEY!" The box said. "Get out of my mouth!" Devlin ran screaming from the talking box. Then, a homeless person appeared from behind a trash can. He spat out a rat and said, "What's he scared for? I was telling the stinkin rat to get out of my mouth. Scram!" He shouted at the rat. The rat made an obscene gesture and scampered away.

Devlin soon spotted a familiar face. The face of Shaydis the Spider. The spider ninja was eating at a McDonalds. Dev walked up and said, "Hey Shaydis, I'm homeless. Mind if I stay at your house?" Shaydis shook his head. "Nah, I don't mind. My moms been looking for a new husband. I think you'd make a good dad for me." The falcon was gone in an instant. The spider snickered. "That always works so well." A guy walked over and asked if he'd like to take a survey. The spiders response was, "Ooh, my moms been looking for a husband. She LOVES survey men." "Great, can I meet her?" The overjoyed, very desperate questionnaire man asked. Shaydis fled the scene, deeply disturbed.

Devlin wound up at the lair of Paradox the Hedgehog. He walked in and opened the door to Para's bedroom. He looked around and saw that the room was covered in pictures of Ashton Kucher…With lipstick marks on them. Devlin's eye twitched and he closed the door. He walked into Dox's room. The crazed, black hedgehog was dancing and singing. Of course it wasn't just any song. It was 'I feel like a Woman'. Devlin ran out of the lair and hid in a corner of an alley for two days straight.

Shadic wondered what had become of his friend Devlin. Normally the pest showed up every day. But he'd been missing for two days. He decided that he'd let the falcon live with him for a while…After all, the only other company he had in the house was Kermit the Frog, and he was slowly starving to death in the basement. He walked out of the house and found his friend sitting on his porch. Instantly the falcon told Shadic about everything he'd seen during the hunt for a house. Shadic grabbed a notepad, and snickering, wrote down the things about Para and Dox. Shadic invited Devlin into the house so he'd calm down.

The next day, Paradox showed up at their house. "I'm here to kill you, Shadic!" He said. "I don't think you will." Shadic said. "Why not?" Growled the hedgehog. Shadic held up the notepad. Paradox split into two(Para and Dox) and read the notepad with widened eyes. "NOOOOOOO!" The brothers screamed in unison. "I blame President Nixon for this." Growled Dox. "We'll do anything!" Sobbed Para. "Just don't tell!" Shadic grinned maliciously.

Soon, Para, Dox, and to a lesser extent, the Burger King, sat on the couch. "Okay. Para, Dox, combine." Shadic said. Para and Dox resumed Paradox form. "Now, make out with the King." The King looked overjoyed. Paradox looked like he was going to vomit. He leaned over, about to kiss him, when suddenly he was punched out by Ronald McDonald. "No one makes out with him but me!" He shouted. The two fast food mascots began making out. Shadic whipped out a digital camera and started taking pictures. "Today, Burger King and McDonalds." He said. "Tomorrow…The neighbors house!"

** End of Crackfic**


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